new fellowship

to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings being conformed to His death philippians 3:10

wait.

hold up right there. it's a good chance if you are reading this you are a struggling believer like me. i want to be awfully transparent right now. because i just went through the whole new testament and a word struck my chords this morning. suffering.

so let's get started.

i want to know Jesus. i mean it's probably why i still go to church. i help out with the youth. try to read my bible. try to pray. try to do these things we are told to do because that's how we know Him right? but deep down within these things that are necessary for the growth of a believer really knowing Him isn't just partaking of doing this. knowing Christ is suffering.

are you with me. i mean. i dropped my dreams of marrying a girl. my dreams of my college experience at biola. and with reckless faith i signed my name on a governement contract to sign up with the united states air force. with no prior speaking from the Lord or of a real sense of reason. and here i am writing you. because with you. i want to know this man who sent me out on this adventure. and i have come up with a few ideas. or more like things he has set on my heart.

really, i have come to the more understanding. i am learning a new side of Jesus. because i listened to a message from francis chan. and he went through every single new testament book. and it talked about suffering. and i am with him on that. how many of you get let down often. come on i know i do. how many of you want to be married right now. okay. hmm. how many of you want to suffer. wait why are there crickets now. because we don't want to suffer we want to dodge it. but in all honesty. if paul is saying it that i want to fellowship in his sufferings. fellowship means to me a hearty meal with a good friend and maybe a beer or just sitting on the sidewalk and talking about life or just someone who you knows truly where you are in life and can agree and look forward to what is next.

but if looking forward to what is next. is being able to take the cross. i mean do you think when you take communion when you do. do you remember like he says to remember. i mean geez. we rip that bread apart to have our portion. that ripping or tearing is supposed to be Christ's body. for goodness sakes. i feel like i have been ripped a few times. but communion was done in fellowship. now let us dip our broken bodies in none other but the cup of what. His blood. the blood that was spilled. and that my friend is what we are partaking in. our brokenness. His blood. which allows us to resurrect. but when do we get to that point we are okay with this.

honest with you right now. i am unsure. and uncertain for me. this is a new thought. because i am confident. i love being loved. i hated being hated. but how are things so often said in the word that we won't be loved on behalf of Him. so are we too comfortable. too cliche.

am i too zealous right now. maybe a bit controversial.

figured.

i mean we were the brands of Jesus.

so who are we kidding when life sucks how do we respond.

i think its because we don't suffer because we dodge it.

i think also that a new type of fellowship is about to begin in my life.

for me to live is Christ, to die is gain phillipians 1:21

what am i to gain if don't die.



i hope you are challenged as i am. i know this is all pretty sparatic. and heavy. if you are reading this. thank you. it means a lot to me and joshua. i love you.

stephen