it is not good

i called my dad up today. and with gritting my teeth. and almost in tears i uttered words i hate saying because it makes me feel weak. "i'm lonely." i told him of the dream i had the night before of a girl looking at me and saying "i have been waiting for you." i seriously couldn't finish the dream. i was pissed. parts of me wants to sock a hole in the wall. scream somewhere where maybe God could hear my prayers for these last four years. because something is missing and i think i am doing everything right. i have a job. i am in the military. i dress good. i love jesus. i respect women. i ...whatever. this isn't supposed to be selfish. i am getting to a point where i know all men can agree on this singleness. ever since we were little we dreamed. dreamed of adventure and big things. and as life plays out. we get let down. we get hurt. and we get left. but this is where my dad with his wisdom told me. think about Christ.

Christ had to come into this world just like how adam was created and realized "it is not good for man to be alone." can you imagine after hammering out the whole world and everything he made was "good" but not for man to be alone. adam is a type of Christ and if that is so. then realize. i bet Christ is feeling the same longing for his bride as well. just like how adam named every single picking animal and when he was done. there was none suited for him. and Christ laid him down. and as he slept. the pain was put to death and a rib removed for his bride to become. like Christ he had to go through literal death and ressurection and then back into the heavenlies to be with God and wait all over again. is that just like a little pain. oh man. how much he must love us to sacrifice that. so that is where we need to be. realizing. that it is okay that i am lonely. because Christ has been waiting for his bride. and he is preparing her for his coming. and he's coming soon. until then. i will agree. that Lord i am lonely with you. i am glad i have you. so let us continue on because it is not good. but you are. and i know full well that i can rest in this.

i love you,

stephen