life is Him blessing and us forgetting

if i am here to tell you i have it all together. i would be a liar. i don't consider myself one. ideally i think i am loyal even to the point of blood. and that makes me an outlaw. too many times in this jaded broken world we are told who we are and who we should be. and i suck in the "consumerism" mentality and try to be who i am not. and i hate that. tonight. i almost cried again and was shaking because this is what i remembered. "if you then being evil know how to bring good gifts to your children how much more will the Father who is from heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" luke 11:13. oh i feel like that. evil. because i struggle. i struggle. i struggle. but this is another reason to wave a white flag. and surrender. as quoted tonight from one of my dear friends. "life is Him blessing and us forgetting." damn. again. do you have those things you have been asking for. those dreams. your ultimate desire. your little prayers. the shotgun ones. or the sniper shots. but each one is a breath and and exhale for our Father to hear us. your not alone in this. remember his precious blood because "...young men because you are strong and the word of God abides in you and you have overcome the evil one." 1 john 2:14b. justified. just. if. i. never. sinned. i cant collect anymore thoughts tonight before i fall on my face again in thankfulness.


to those of you who read:

i suck at introductions and i usually rub my right arm which is a sure sign i’m nervous i give my name away like it’s a free t-shirt at a concert. and guarenteed though you will see my heart somewhere in the conversation because Jesus is my life. it’s beginning to be the only thing i know. it’s harder now when i tell people about my life and say i’m part of the military. air force actually. but that doesn’t hold me back from being totally true. because my skin is like paper. i deal with victory and defeat like the sun has it’s turn just like night wants to share. i’m humbled that i am used by my Heavenly Father and sometimes i am the most forgetful christian. but in the end i will always believe. i hope you return to this page often.

-.sj